NaPoWriMo 2013 THREE

writing prompt: write a poem to your 16 year old self




dear 16 year old me:

you have three years
and then your life will change forever
for good
for the good
BUT
it's going to suck
for a while
first.

Daddy is going to die of leukemia

I know
It's a hard reality to take in.
so...

Talk to your Dad
ask him All.The.Questions.
get him to teach you Polish
get his cousin's address in Poland
so you have some contact with your roots
ask him who Uncle Mike really is
Hug him.
a lot.
Take pictures of the two of you together.
A lot of them.
Tell him you love him everyday.
Every.Day.

Go to the college you want to
and major in music like you want to
and don't let your parents
convince you otherwise.
Learn piano
and keep singing.
Music will save you
so the grief doesn't
completely destroy you.

Step out into world
Keep secretly listening to 'secular' music
especially hiphop:
it will release you and transform you
as it transforms music.

Question Chrisitanity
Question Sexism
(and their relationship)


Those attraction you feel towards other girls...?
That shit is real.
Don't ignore it.

Keep touching your own body
Fall in love with it
keep masturbating
sex will heal you.
Especially sex with women.

Trust your instincts.
Listen to your intuition.
Prepare for sudden independence
It's going to be shocking
yet freeing

Learn to manage money:
STAT

Start walking
every day if you can.
Eat vegetables.
Lots of them.
Fresh ones
not the canned ones
from ShopRite's can-can sale

Love yourself
Love yoursel
Love yourself


You are worthy.
Accept yourself
Now
So it won't take you another 20 years
to really start to get it.
Your crooked teeth and your round belly
and your hand-me-down clothes
do not define your worth.
You existence itself is worthy
and your loving heart
is incredible

Don't worry so much about being perfect.

Know this:
you are perfect just as you are
and there is way more to life
than you have any clue about
Trust.
Open.

Keep dreaming
Keep learning
Keep writing
Keep singing

You are ok
Once you know this
you will be ok.

I love you

NaPoWriMo 2013 TWO

i tripped

and fell

the boulders and stones
of you
entangled round my being
avalanching my soul
down the disappearing hillside
as i grasped at jutting tree limbs
trying to steady myself
against the inevitable
bruising of my heart

i could not stay the tide

i could not avoid the storms

nearly buried alive
from deep within the ravine
i climbed my way back to the light
with Persephone as my guide
unearthed treasures of your lies
stuffed within my pockets
to remind me
of the seven circles of hell

no mudslide of my rivers of tears
no landslide of broken promises
no avalanche of emotional manipulation

could keep me from Myself

some wounds never fully heal
some betrayals cannot be forgiven
when the truth is proven to be the most false
what reality remains?

merely the absolute truth of the Divine in me

and again I rise

NaPoWriMo 2013  One


Broken
like the shards of glass
strewn across the dance floor
admist a puddle of beer
dangerously tempting
each dancing foot
into misery
and out of joy


my love slips in between
all the yous
as i slip cautiously between dancers
quietly clearing the path
for freedom
and open hearts
to spill out on the dance floor
as I kick the shards aside
a stealth protector
on beat
unnoticed
by half drunk revelry

i am
here
for
you

(perhaps co-dependency does have a purpose after all)